Are they twins?!

Warning: This post is filled with sarcasm stemmed from conversations with numerous strangers today at Walmart… and we lost Montavius (Eli’s pacifier) there, which makes us both a little grumpy. Time for a 2nd cup of coffee 🙂

We are venturing out of the house a lot more these days. It’s warmer and sunnier and the twins can go longer between feedings. As long as I have milk or food (and bibs!) or even just puffs along, we can leave for hours. It feels pretty liberating; however, all the questions about the twins…it slows down our errand-running and sometimes it’s just annoying. Of course, I think that my children are the most adorable kids on the planet and expect people to stop and say “oh how cute.” Noah also stopped strangers with his cuteness. People love babies. I get it. I just don’t feel like playing 20 questions with every other person in Walmart…or Kroger… or wherever we happen to be at the time.

I’ve decided to compile a list of my favorite twin questions.

The most popular question is, of course, “Are they twins?” We get this question AT LEAST 4-5 times wherever we go. “Are they twins?” is usually followed with “How far apart?” or “But he’s so… ” (much bigger, taller, etc.) or “she’s so much smaller.”  It’s interesting to me that Eli and Emry wear the same size clothes (both in Carter’s 9M right now) but people cannot fathom that babies could be wearing different sizes and still BE TWINS. I want to be really sarcastic with these people but I stick to politeness, most of the time. Sometimes it’s just “yes” and we move on… hey, I probably haven’t had enough coffee yet. I’m trying to determine a scenario where a woman would have two kids so close in age and size (and LOOK ALIKE) with her, that aren’t twins. Perhaps I am a nanny for two babies whose parents are siblings and they had their kids just weeks apart and both children favor the sibling parent and not the spouse?? Seems pretty far-fetched for them NOT to be twins.

The most interesting/awkward question is when an old person asks me if they can buy the twins (or just one!) or how much they cost. I understand that they are joking but this happens a LOT. Maybe when I am older, I will feel comfortable jokingly asking to buy someone’s kid, but right now, it just seems weird to me. How do I respond other than awkward laughter? Noah told the man at the oil change place that he could have Eli but not Emry Jane. Noah, why do you want to sell your brother but not your sister?! Hmm, still awkward conversation to have while waiting for your oil change.

The most intimate questions … “Are you done?” (having kids) … like that is any of a stranger’s business. I have also had people say things like ‘Maybe you will have two again next time” or “What if you have twins again?” I guess we would cross that bridge when we got there. “Did you have them “naturally”? usually implying whether or not I had a C-section is also a favorite of mine. Ha, I would love to discuss my birth story with Jane Doe in the checkout lane. Not.

My least favorite twin question is really tied between two statements. “Better you than me” and “Bless your heart.” These statements just beg for a smart ass reply. I am INCREDIBLY blessed to have the opportunity to raise Eli and Emry, so saying “bless your heart” like it’s a bad thing to have twins just burns me up. The other side of “Better you than me” that is equally annoying are the people that think having kids close together is the SAME as having twins. It’s not. I carried two babies in my body at the same time. I labored two babies at the same time. I delivered two babies, albeit 10 minutes apart, at the same time. I nursed two babies at the same time. I sleep trained two babies at the same time. I carry two infant carriers at the same time. My house is full of two bouncers, two bath tubs, two swings, two jumperoos, two high chairs, two cribs and a million and a half baby toys because I am raising two babies AT THE SAME TIME. It’s not the same. (Exit soap box.)

Also, it’s not “two for the price of one.” I have yet to discover a store that gives you a second piece of baby gear when you buy the first one. It’s two for the price of TWO.